If you're reading this, you either know me in real life and I gave you link after I began this blog, or you're actually reading my archive. Either way, you should know I'm kinda emotional. For the most part I want to keep this blog about computers and my experiments with them, however I will use it on occasion to rant about my life and how horrible it is (or at least at that moment how horrible it is). I'll try to keep things under control and will begin any existential tangents well marked with /EXISTENCE at the beginning of one of these personal forays. Let's start this out with a double header: a tech wandering and an existential reflection!
/TECH
You'll note that I will name most of my computers, whether physical or virtual, and they will often take on names of mythological or fantasy origin. It makes it easier for me to identify what I'm talking about. My personal machine will always have the name Phoenix, because it is constantly being reborn with each re-install of Windows or upgrade of hardware. My Proxmox machine will always be Doppelganger as it can take on many forms. I also have another name for a machine that doesn't currently exist, but once I get a file server setup again it will get the name Luminos as it will contain all the knowledge of my computers. So anytime I setup a new machine, I'll state the name it receives, but you can always rely on Phoenix, Doppelganger, and Luminos to refer to the machines I just stated.
Phoenix actually just recently got an upgrade. It received a brand new Asus Sabertooth 990FX motherboard, AMD FX-4100 processor (4 cores @ 3.6GHz), and 16GB of 1333 MHz DDR3 RAM. It's a glorious thing when you play a game that supports multiplayer split-screen and the system doesn't even stutter. Gaming aside, I decided it was time to experiment again and I installed VirtualBox to play with some VMs. So I installed Proxmox into a VM. Yeah, that's because I've never used Proxmox before and the box that will be Doppelganger is currently incomplete missing a power supply and a HDD.
Anyway, I just got Proxmox installed and am going to experiment with running several VMs on it to see how well Doppelganger can handle it. Anyway, the VM will give me an opportunity to figure out what I'm doing on Proxmox while I try to find some sufficient components for Doppelganger. The first VM I want to get running is a Linux VM to run a TeamSpeak server, Web server (with PHP), MySQL, Python, and Google Go. The second VM will be a Windows VM so I can run dedicated servers for games on occasion. I'm sure I'll load it up with other VMs, but the initial Linux and Windows VMs will boot on load so I can have those services consistently available.
I'll post again as I get things setup to let you know what I think of Proxmox and how easy the services are to setup.
/EXISTENCE
I recently had a moment of insecurity and didn't want to just let it slip away. Once again I feel completely and utterly helpless. An opportunity has been shut off from me all while I'm watching my friends make dicisions to go on to grad school or are taking jobs at various companies. Why do I feel like there's no place for me? What have I gotten myself into?
I really just want someone to tell me what to do but no one will and it's probably for the better. But why do I always fall into these emotional sinkholes? Why is it that when I'm looking for the way out I think I need to remove video games from my life entirely? What the hell is wrong with me?!
I don't know where to go, what to do, or who to listen to. I feel like I'm not gonna make it to May. I feel like I'm going to fail who ever has the displeasure of working with me in a group and that I will just disappoint them. I just want to disappear.
But then someone comes along a expresses their undying love of some service I once rendered them and it lifts me, if only ever so slightly. And again I'm confused and lost. Why is it that I am seemingly the most awesome person in one moment and then the most worthless sack of flesh in another? Why wasn't I good enough for one company but another love what I've done and will make an effort to keep me?!
Perhaps the most perplexing question I've been trying to answer is, "What are my goals?" How do I answer this for myself? What about the answer I give to an interviewer? I actually wonder if my answer to that question is what made them say "No"... I think I've been drowning in denial this past week trying to con myself into thinking I'm not upset. I am upset. I'm upset that I didn't get a job offer. I'm upset they didn't (couldn't) tell me why. I'm upset that I don't know what to do with myself. And I want to blame it on something so I blame it on video games and my choice to use them to drown my fears and sorrows.
At least I'm not an alcoholic.
/TECH
You'll note that I will name most of my computers, whether physical or virtual, and they will often take on names of mythological or fantasy origin. It makes it easier for me to identify what I'm talking about. My personal machine will always have the name Phoenix, because it is constantly being reborn with each re-install of Windows or upgrade of hardware. My Proxmox machine will always be Doppelganger as it can take on many forms. I also have another name for a machine that doesn't currently exist, but once I get a file server setup again it will get the name Luminos as it will contain all the knowledge of my computers. So anytime I setup a new machine, I'll state the name it receives, but you can always rely on Phoenix, Doppelganger, and Luminos to refer to the machines I just stated.
Phoenix actually just recently got an upgrade. It received a brand new Asus Sabertooth 990FX motherboard, AMD FX-4100 processor (4 cores @ 3.6GHz), and 16GB of 1333 MHz DDR3 RAM. It's a glorious thing when you play a game that supports multiplayer split-screen and the system doesn't even stutter. Gaming aside, I decided it was time to experiment again and I installed VirtualBox to play with some VMs. So I installed Proxmox into a VM. Yeah, that's because I've never used Proxmox before and the box that will be Doppelganger is currently incomplete missing a power supply and a HDD.
Anyway, I just got Proxmox installed and am going to experiment with running several VMs on it to see how well Doppelganger can handle it. Anyway, the VM will give me an opportunity to figure out what I'm doing on Proxmox while I try to find some sufficient components for Doppelganger. The first VM I want to get running is a Linux VM to run a TeamSpeak server, Web server (with PHP), MySQL, Python, and Google Go. The second VM will be a Windows VM so I can run dedicated servers for games on occasion. I'm sure I'll load it up with other VMs, but the initial Linux and Windows VMs will boot on load so I can have those services consistently available.
I'll post again as I get things setup to let you know what I think of Proxmox and how easy the services are to setup.
/EXISTENCE
I recently had a moment of insecurity and didn't want to just let it slip away. Once again I feel completely and utterly helpless. An opportunity has been shut off from me all while I'm watching my friends make dicisions to go on to grad school or are taking jobs at various companies. Why do I feel like there's no place for me? What have I gotten myself into?
I really just want someone to tell me what to do but no one will and it's probably for the better. But why do I always fall into these emotional sinkholes? Why is it that when I'm looking for the way out I think I need to remove video games from my life entirely? What the hell is wrong with me?!
I don't know where to go, what to do, or who to listen to. I feel like I'm not gonna make it to May. I feel like I'm going to fail who ever has the displeasure of working with me in a group and that I will just disappoint them. I just want to disappear.
But then someone comes along a expresses their undying love of some service I once rendered them and it lifts me, if only ever so slightly. And again I'm confused and lost. Why is it that I am seemingly the most awesome person in one moment and then the most worthless sack of flesh in another? Why wasn't I good enough for one company but another love what I've done and will make an effort to keep me?!
Perhaps the most perplexing question I've been trying to answer is, "What are my goals?" How do I answer this for myself? What about the answer I give to an interviewer? I actually wonder if my answer to that question is what made them say "No"... I think I've been drowning in denial this past week trying to con myself into thinking I'm not upset. I am upset. I'm upset that I didn't get a job offer. I'm upset they didn't (couldn't) tell me why. I'm upset that I don't know what to do with myself. And I want to blame it on something so I blame it on video games and my choice to use them to drown my fears and sorrows.
At least I'm not an alcoholic.
